


smash ultimate but it's a gay ass chatfic

by Anichibi



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-08-16 17:16:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16499489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anichibi/pseuds/Anichibi
Summary: Samus: Important announcement, Ridley managed to get inside, nobody is safe, hide immediatelyIke: samus ridley and peach are having a tea partySamus: what the fuck





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm using this as an excuse to write for ships without actually writing
> 
> also i started writing this almost a month ago hahaha whoops

<:October 9, 8:09 AM:>

Cloud: who made this and how have i not realized we had this until now

Palutena: Me, and I used my divine powers to hide the notification from everyone’s phones.

Cloud: why

Palutena: I wanted to see how long it would take for someone to notice this.

Cloud: understandable

Zelda: Just for curiosity’s sake, how long was that?

Palutena: About three months. Give or take.

Cloud: oh my god are you serious

Palutena: Very

Cloud: i don’t know whether to laugh or not

Marth: Oh this is why my phone was going off during the match.

Roy: and why i won HA

Ike: leave him alone you idiot

Pit: woah what

Cloud: i thought you couldn’t read

Megaman: I taught him

Megaman: and it only took four years but hey better late than never

Cloud: palutena did you even try teaching him how to read

Palutena: I’m a goddess, you think I have enough free time to teach the captain of my army how to read?

Cloud: clearly you have more free time than you claim to if you had enough time to add every single one of us to this thing

Palutena: Okay I did try but he didn't pay attention so I gave up

Cloud: understandable. pit does seem to have a short attention span

Cloud: which makes the fact someone actually taught him how to read all the more impressive

Megaman: I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment.

Roy: he was complimenting u tho???

Megaman: and also calling my bf an idiot

Roy: well i mean

Roy: he's not wrong

Pit: hey!

Cloud: pit you once asked me if mixing flour and water was bad and when i went to the kitchen you were covered in flour and the sink was overflowing.

Pit: that wasn't my fault! i didn't know the sink was broken!

Cloud: i told everyone it was broken that morning

Roy: i may not be smart but im smarter than pit

Marth: Not by much.

Roy: ( •̀ㅁ•́;)

Megaman: okay can we stop picking on pit now

Cloud: nope

Pit: this is bullying

Megaman: cloud, you and me, final destination, no items, one stock right now. i’m fighting for pit’s honor 

Pit: (>ω<)

Sonic: oh hell yeah id love to see cloud get beat up

Sonic: make sure you finish him with an uppercut because thatd be epic

Ryu: I could teach you the Shoryuken to make it better

Sonic: DUDE YOU SHOULD

Megaman: I’m good, thanks.

Sonic: R O C K COME ON

Sonic: ITD BE SO COOL

Megaman: No.

Sonic: do it for pit you coward

Megaman: I’d like to learn the shoryuken please

Ryu: Of course!

Sonic: wow i cant believe that worked

Sonic: cloud prepare to perish

Cloud: bold of you to assume i’ll lose

Robin: has anyone seen chrom and lucina

Ike: training room

Robin: oh gods they’re gonna wreck the place

Samus: Important announcement, Ridley managed to get inside, nobody is safe, hide immediately

Ike: samus ridley and peach are having a tea party

Samus: what the fuck

Ike: oh daisy’s joining them

Sonic: oh my god i wanna see this

Ike: they got snake to join them too

Ike: and isabelle

Ike: huh

Sonic: pictures or it didnt happen

Ike: {file: bold_of_you_to_assume_im_lying.jpeg}

Sonic: oh my god hES GOT A TINY HAT THIS IS AMAZING

Sonic: shadow needs to see this where is he

Shadow: I already saw.

Sonic: oh he’s here

Palutena: I also added some of the assist fighters and the people that help in final smashes

Sonic: is zero one of them

Palutena: Yes

Sonic: excellent 

Sonic: hey zero

Sonic: {file: hi.mp4}

Zero: if it’s that stupid video of you crumpling a paper bag i’m going to kill you

Sonic: idk man you should watch it to find out

Zero: you’re dead

Sonic: IT WORKS EVERY TIME YOU THINK HED CATCH ON BY NOW

Sonic: oh shit hes running down the hall full speed hes serious

Sonic: wheres his man

Ike: is he even in here

X: Zero, calm down please!

Zero: i’m sick of his shit i have to

X: Zero, don’t make me come over there.

Sonic: listen to your man

Sonic: i wont send the video ever again if you do

Zero: i have a hard time believing that

Sonic: someone please help me

Sonic: DID CLOUD TEACH HIM HIS DUMB BLADE BEAM THING

Cloud: yes i did

Sonic: why do you hate me so much

Cloud: i hate everyone

Sonic: of course

X: I’m on my way, hold on.

Sonic: thank you my lord and savior 

Megaman: okay I have mastered the shoryuken I am ready to fight

Pit: you can do it i believe in you!!!

Megaman: Pit believes me in I can’t lose now

Zelda: This is the sweetest thing I’ve read all day

Cloud: she says as chaos happens in the background

Sonic: anyway when's that fight

Cloud: oh right now we're just starting

Sonic: are either of your bfs gonna watch you get your ass kicked

Cloud: shut up

Link: We believe in you!

Shulk: you can do it!!!

Palutena: That's adorable wow

Cloud: shulk do i win

Shulk: my future vision doesn't work like that cloud i've told you this

Cloud: dammit

Sonic: i have popcorn i'm so ready to see cloud get fucking owned

Ike: ok wtf do you have against cloud

Sonic: he keeps beating me in mario kart

Ike: i

Ike: wow

Palutena: I can't say I'm surprised.

Palutena: I've watched both of you play and 90% of the time Sonic drifts either too much or not enough meanwhile Cloud's doing like ten tricks per jump and acing the tighter turns

Cloud: so basically i'm the best mario kart player ever

Palutena: I wouldn't put it exactly like that, but close enough.

Sonic: also i'm kidding we're buds but i enjoy watching him get beat up

Cloud: our relationship is one built on pettiness and entertainment gained from watching each other get beat up

Ike: ooooook then

Megaman: Cloud the match is starting

Cloud: oh yeah

Pit: you can do it rock!!!!!!

Link: Even if you lose, we'll still love you, Cloud!!!!!

Shulk: WIN FOR US CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Palutena: so many supportive boyfriends.

Zelda: Today's a good day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link: cool can i sleep now
> 
> Cloud: no
> 
> Link: CLOUD DAMMIT LET ME SLEEP

<November 4th, 1:28 AM>

Link: help please cloud and shulk came into my room and they're now sleeping on either side of me

Falco: haha

Link: seriously these two are like cats they refuse to move and cloud has my arm

Link: this is a cry for help i didn't need this at 1:30 in the morning

Robin: Just be glad you're not stuck with Chrom because some nights he snores and unfortunately for me this is one of those nights.

Robin: Please end me.

Robin: Chrom, I know you're gonna read this when you wake up and I just wanna say that I love you but I love sleep more.

Megaman: Pit came in half an hour ago and fell asleep an a beanbag chair upside-down and i have no clue how he's even comfortable

Robin: gods i wish that was me right now

Marth: somehow my bf has enough energy to train and he bodily dragged me down to the training room to keep him company when all i want is sleep

Marth: i am this close to just passing out on the floor

Link: one time shulk woke me up because cloud was training

Link: and it was four in the morning

Link: he'd apparently been at it all night

Marth: i wouldn't be surprised if ike pulled that one day

Link: cloud does this every week, 6 days in a row, no breaks

Link: by the seventh day he comes into one of our rooms and passes out on the couch

Link: or in my bed like tonight

Sonic: oh are we complaining about shit

Robin: boyfriend troubles, specifically

Sonic: oh

Palutena: if you think that's bad then imagine having an overdramatic gf that likes to barge into your room at 2 am and drink all your pepsi before passing out on the floor

Sonic: oh my god

Palutena: i have no clue how bayo is still alive with how often she does this

Roy: i mean

Roy: at least she's not drunk???

Palutena: she has come in drunk

Palutena: but only once

Dark Pit: megaman help

Megaman: why

Dark Pit: bass came in and he passed out next to me on my couch i don't know what to do

Megaman: leave him there he's fine

Dark Pit: alright fine

Megaman: update on Pit, he woke up and got in bed with me and then went back to sleep and now i'm trapped

Dark Pit: there is no escape for you and there is no one to save you

Megaman: bold of you to assume this was a cry for help.

Link: oh cloud woke up

Link: hey losers who wants to fight me right now

Marth: uh

Link: kisoxhwnelt&:9,)hwldih8udob8;$3&29(8!iepcjwkovohsjefv

Link: 8;9,hejciskeo8:9!204odjckwkebtlvoaowbr

Link: DAMMIT CLOUD YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PHONE

Cloud: but saying stuff through you is funnier

Robin: that _was_ pretty funny, admittedly

Link: doesn't matter

Cloud: yeah it does

Link: go back to sleep

Robin: If I may ask, why are you two messaging the chat when you're right next to each other

Link: cloud turned talk-to-text on before i wrestled my phone back from him and i don't know how to turn it back off

Cloud: why would you keep this golden conversation from everyone else

Link: because maybe they don't need to know everything we're doing???

Cloud: yes they do

Robin: no we don't

Cloud: shut

Cloud: up

Robin: no

Robin: buy my silence

Cloud: how much

Robin: 7000 gold

Cloud: which is

Robin: 49000000 munny for you

Cloud: son of a bitch

Robin: it's also a daily payment so have fun going broke

Cloud: die

Marth: okay i'm just going to sleep on this floor good night

Marth: ike can have fun carrying meback to my room when he's done this is all his fault anyway

Link: why are you two so loud

Link: shit

Robin: did shulk wake up now

Cloud: yeah

Link: cloud turn off the talk to text thing

Cloud: ugh fine

 Link: i'm going to sleep now

Cloud: i'm not letting him

Link: cloud please

Cloud: no sleeping for you

Link: CLOUD PLEASE

Ike: marth passed out on the floor

Link: cool can i sleep now

Cloud: no

Link: CLOUD DAMMIT LET ME SLEEP


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Joker has entered the chatroom]
> 
> Joker: you never saw it coming

<December 7th, 9:30 AM>

[Joker has entered the chatroom]

Joker: you never saw it coming

Sonic: HEY GUYS ITS ONE OF MY SEGA BUDDIES

Sonic: TECHNICALLY SPEAKING

Bayonetta: did you steal that invite

Joker: _maybe i did_

Bayonetta: that's my boy

Joker: i'm ready to fight who's the strongest one here

Kirby: :D

Joker: ...

Joker: can i protect this thing with my life

Kirby: (⌒▽⌒)b

Joker: perfect

Robin: guys who's this mysterious masked man hugging kirby like a pillow

Sonic: CAN I HAVE PICTURES

Robin: uh, okay???

Robin: [here_i_guess.png]

Sonic: saved, set as wallpaper, shared to all my contacts, this is amazing

Corrin: Someone climbed through the window????? What???????????

Sonic: joker was that you

Joker: perhaps

Sonic: pffffff

Bayonetta: so how is our phantom thief of hearts doing

Joker: this small, uh...thing(?)

Joker: has stolen my heart.

Bayonetta: oh the irony

Joker: can i be friends with this

Sonic: kirby is everyones friend my guy

Sonic: you were his friend the moment you set foot inside this building.

Joker: hi can i stay here forever

Sonic: idk man you have to ask kirby that

Kirby: (>ω<)b

Sonic: yes

Joker: to whatever god is listening, thanks

Palutena: you're welcome

Chrom: oh, we have a new fighter?

Joker: hey, it's yusuknot

Chrom: that is...not my name

Joker: it is now so deal with it

Chrom: i

Chrom: okay

Sonic: f

Bayonetta: f

Joker: f

Chrom: stop that

Cloud: f

Chrom: oh for the love of-

Cloud :3c

Cloud: oh shit new guy

Cloud: can i kick his ass

Joker: _i'll_ be the one kicking ass around here

Cloud: bitch

Joker: square up i have the power of kirby and my persona on my side

Kirby: (≧▽≦)

Cloud: i don't need either of those to kick your ass

Joker: are you sure about that

Cloud: yeah

Joker: you and me, right now, let's go

Kirby: (ง'̀-'́)ง

Cloud: haha hell yeah

Link: cloud what did i tell you about picking fights with everyone

Cloud: do it all the time

Link: no that's shulk

Link: don't listen to shulk

Cloud: but i wanna fight the new guy

Link >->

Cloud: wait a second YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME

Link: SHIT

Joker: LET'S GO KIRBY WE GOTTA KICK HIS ASS

Kirby: (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Joker: ONWARD TO BATTLE


End file.
